Emotional support
Emotional and personal support can take many forms – you might want to seek help by yourself or in a group. You might want to share your experiences with other carers who are going through similar things, or you might want to get away from being a carer altogether.
When looking after someone else (and juggling this with other commitments and responsibilities), it can be extremely difficult to think about yourself and your needs and feelings. It can feel very strange – even disloyal and uncomfortable – to prioritise yourself. However, many carers find that giving time to themselves is essential for their own mental and physical well-being and enables carers, if they wish, to carry on caring for longer.
Many carers find it useful to talk to friends and family. It can, however, be very difficult to start talking about looking after someone, especially if you are caring for someone with a ‘hidden’ or stigmatised difficulty. (It may be useful to bear in mind that 1 in 8 people in the UK – or 6 million people - are currently carers. Many, many more people are ex-carers. The people you choose to talk to may well have come into contact with a caring situation at some point in their lives.)
Friends and family can be unsure of whether or not to offer help or what kind of help to offer, as they may not wish to intrude or offend. They might not be aware that you are finding your situation stressful or difficult. They may be focusing more on the person with the health problem or disability than on you, the carer.
When talking with friends and family, do be clear and honest about what kinds of things you would find helpful, whether you need someone to talk to on the phone or someone to help with more practical things like washing up, walking the dog, etc. It might be helpful to make a list of all the different things you have to do in caring for someone and to see how these various tasks might be shared between family members/friends who are willing and able to help.
Networks of support from friends and family are essential for many carers (as well as for those they care for). However, carers also often worry about talking about problems with caring with those who know both them and the person they care for – that’s where external sources of support can come in.
When looking after someone else, it is essential to take care of your own health, including your general mental health and well-being.
Make sure that your GP knows you are a carer, and that you get support and recognition for your own health needs as well as those of the person you care for. You may, for example, wish to make separate time to talk about your own health needs, either in person or on the phone.
Many people find it extremely difficult to speak with their GP, particularly for the first time. There is useful advice on keeping in touch with your GP and on talking to him/her about difficult subjects, on the BBC website.
Stress
Caring for someone can be an extremely stressful experience. For more information on the causes and nature of stress, and ways of coping with it, Mind produce a booklet called ‘Managing Stress’. This can be accessed via their website at or requested via the MindInfoLine on 0845 7660163.
To take part in Carers UK’s survey on carers and health – the impact of caring on your own health
For individual support, contact your local Oxfordshire carers' centres . Carers support workers are always available for you to talk to, both in a crisis and if you want to talk about your situation more generally. The support available is free, confidential and non-judgemental
There are also services offering more specialist support:
The Clive Project: 01993 776295 Support for anyone affected by early onset dementia (those under 65).
Rethink Carers Support Service 01865 455607 Offers support to those caring for someone with a severe mental illness
Alzheimer’s Society Oxfordshire - Support Worker 01865 876508 or 07796 441203 (Stella Inston) National Helpline: 0845 300 0336 Support if someone close to you has memory problems or dementia. There is also support available in a crisis
The Samaritans 08457 909090 If you prefer to write about your feelings, you can post a letter to Chris, PO Box 9090, Stirling, FK8 2SA or send an email to jo@samaritans.org.uk. Available 24 hours a day, providing confidential emotional support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.
Crisis Line 01865 251152 Open every night of the year, 7pm to 1am. People call about themselves or if they are concerned about the mental health of others.
Asian mental health line. 0800 800 2073 They offer support in all South Asian languages for people with or concerned about someone else’s mental health problems
- Counselling offers you the time and space to be heard, and the opportunity to look at things in a different way with someone who will respect and encourage your feelings, opinions and decisions. All counsellors have their own styles and ways of working. It is important to find someone who suits you.
- The Listening Centre 08702 419 025 Fees are negotiated according to each individual’s ability to pay.
- Oxford Women’s Counselling Centre 01865 725617 Payments according to ability to pay. Languages other than English available.
- The Isis Centre 01865 556648 Free counselling and psychotherapy available on the NHS for anyone over 18 and living in Oxfordshire
- Relate Oxfordshire Relate Centre 01865 242968 Relationship counselling available via several centres in Oxfordshire - charges vary.
- Oxfordshire Counselling and Psychotherapy assessment and referral service 01865 358364 Assessment interview of up to one hour costs £35.
- Oxford Cruse 01865 245398 Counselling for people affected by bereavement.
Other possible sources of support
- Counselling is often available through health centres. Ask your GP.
- Many large employers offer counselling support to their employees at difficult times.
- Schools, colleges and universities also have counselling and other listening support available.
- Individual counsellors advertise in the Yellow Pages under ‘counselling and advice.’
National organisations
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